Good Morning

Elegy Poem by Nelia-Sol White

 

Good Morning

 

A sound and you awaken,

A fumble and silence returns.

 

Knees to chest, arms to head,

Serenity hums against your veins.

 

You sigh, bones warm, eyes closed,

Floating on a cloud of cloth and 100-count thread.

 

Existence and reality sit back at a distance

As your toes wiggle and your lips curl.

 

Another sigh and you sink further in,

Falling deeper into nirvana.

 

You dread the inevitability,

The second the sound returns.

 

But relish in this moment,

In this beautiful taste of peace.

  1 comment for “Good Morning

  1. nmetcalf
    December 9, 2015 at 8:37 pm

    Great poem! You did an excellent job creating the image of sleeping and dreaming! I greatly enjoyed the lines “Knees to chest, arms to head,/Serenity hums against your veins./You sigh, bones warm, eyes closed,/Floating on a cloud of cloth and 100-count thread.” I think they really add to the create the soft and surreal experience of sleeping and dreaming. The poem flows really well, and the couplets make a nice rhythm that in sense feels like dreaming.
    While I liked the last two sentences, I’m not sure they are effective endings. I feel ending on an image might make the poem more effective and make the ending more powerful. My main critique of this poem is that I am not sure what the speaker is elegising as there does not seem to be the feeling of sorrow or loss. This poem is solely talking about sleeping with only the hint of something unpleasant in the sixth stanza. The point is to make the reader feel the loss of whatever is being elegised, but I do not see that here. I think a greater emphasis on what is being lost while help strengthen your poem. Otherwise, excellent job!

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